My dear mind, a lot of things you need to tolerate and stand in your treasury of thoughts. Sometimes, I really owe you a slope and respect. You have to carry with yourself all kinds of memories, from the beautiful ones to the most damaging ones. And you acting like they are the most ordinary thoughts. But I love the way of your submission the things. You’re so cold and quiet, and you let melancholy to reach you just as it is something unimportant and transient. I’d like to believe you and to hope that it will go away. What is worse, sometimes I do not want to let her go. That tingling sensation contributes a lot to my charge of creativity. It encourages me to go and create in order to not let myself to remember, because when I start remembering then that feeling deepens and makes a lot of confusion in my head. And when I am confused, I can’t create. And when I am not creating, I just exist without any purpose.
The consequences of my wrong actions are present in my reason like the very bad judges. They are here to remind me of my duties as if I am not aware of them. I want to run away and seek a way out, but I am constantly tripping on my own thoughts. As if they want to mock my intention of running away. Who am I kidding? Myself or them? Myself, the answer is – always myself, because at the end of the day with whom I am going to stay? The answer is clear. But are my thoughts everything that makes my identity and there isn’t something even higher than those thoughts? Apparently not, and I am in a trouble. I tried to be guided by categorical imperative, but sometimes the other side wins. What is really funny, I kind of enjoy in that glorious defeat.
My thoughts can be very bright also. Those periods brings me too much satisfaction and peace in which I tuck myself and then I can not create. So that is not as good as it seems. Relief is good for a few minutes, but the diamond is created by the pressure. After relief, in my mind I mainly see some darkens of the shadows in the thoughts and the only thing left is to wonder. The wonder brings the chaos, but the chaos can be full of good ideas, the unique, strange and refreshing ideas. Each time I betray categorical imperative, I feel like I am myself again, the creator. There is nothing inspiring in duties so I must wonder, and go further and seek for the better solutions. In order to create, I can’t clear my thoughts, no, no, the exact opposite – I must not do it. I need to stay the one who is creating by its urge and need, and not by the duty.