She was struck by a strong pain in the middle of the dream. A hot wind was coming in through the open window. The temperature grew in the room. The pain was getting stronger. She thought that she is going to die at this very moment. The breath that she was taking was dry and somewhat stuffy. This was the worst time of the year; the temperatures were hellish. It’s good, at least she will be used to it and once she goes there, she will be prepared. Maybe, that will happen tonight.
To give a life for a love for state wasn’t ideal in the time she was living. She could give everything and she still wouldn’t be remembered. Values are something passé. With great difficulty, she raised her head and decided to try to wash her face. She couldn’t wash her honor; it was too late.
To replace passion for power – sounds too funny and somehow sick. But it happens. She wanted to carry the flag. She became it. With every breath, she was slowly losing what she was before and becoming part of what she was fighting for now. It doesn’t matter what is right or wrong; it’s important how much you believe in it. The right choices are those that make you feel confident, even if they seem to be wrong. She loved her new role; to be a part of something bigger than herself. She loved that feeling that she was doing the right thing. But now she’ll have to pay. With life? Something like that.
The stakes are too high. She is risking for the first time. She’s giving up her friends, her family, her life. All of that will be forgotten. Forever. Her will is going to be shaped by the ideas that other people want to impose. She will believe that those are her ideas. She will be convicted that those are her beliefs, her ideas, and her fight. But they’re not. It’s a massive manipulation that works well. Good for whom? For the state. She will be a puppet in a big game of monopoly.
You know what is worst part? She’ll enjoy the game. She’ll probably wake up from that terrible state of apathy. Probably. But it will be too late to destroy the equilibrium. She will be trapped forever in the game. She’ll tweak the pieces of her womb and eat them. That’s how she will survive, day by day, until the grave, and no one will be grateful to her.
~ Zorica ~